[originally written on 1:11am]

i am HOPELESS!! it frustrates me!! stupid stupid stupid!!
you see, if i had managed to lose my feelings, i could've stopped feeling oh so measly since.. long ago!
i suppose everyone has their own 'pattern'. (saw a neat episode of sex and the city earlier today) and i think i DO have a pattern.
i have the pattern of a person that keeps on longing for the unattainable someone. it's like, i'm pleading to be broken-hearted, or be kept wondering.. or left waiting.. or just, i don't know!! i said aloud that i want to be 'smarter' and yet, i couldn't pass up the chance to be called 'stupid'. that's just.. plain dumb!
dumb dumb dumb!!!

urrgghhhhh!!!!!

probably i radiate some sort of a 'safe' character that people can pick up the smell like garlic in someone's breath. maybe a 'safe' person just reflects that bit of boredom.
heck! even i ran from it some years ago! (and still am) ahahhaha!! it's a bit unfair of me to judge people for it. but maybe everyone just needs less and less of that 'safe' personality.

in my thoughts.. someone safe is a someone whom you're supposed to get married with, live in a big bungalow, have a dozen children and live happily for the rest of your life.
and i don't want to get married just yet.
and i guess you're not ready for that either...

how i wish you are.. and ask for my hand tomorrow.
ahhahhaha!!

ps: no, i'm not depressed nor am i crazy, i just have a lot of lame
thoughts.
i think i am missing rai 'coz he appeared in my dream some nights ago. (and i read that when you dream of someone, it's probably your subconcious mind letting you know that you miss that person, and that you conciously didn't realize it. cute, huh?)